Time to play. Starting small in 2018.

Last year I kept wanting to start a poker bankroll challenge and but LIFE kept getting in the way. Sometimes it feels like everytime my life looks like it is falling into place, a curveball hits me and my path completely changes. There are things that I wish I would have done differently but on the whole but last year was a great year of self-discovery for me.

This summer I bought a house in Windsor. I really like it here, it is quiet, people are kind and the cheap cost of living takes away the “money” stress that I was used to when living in Toronto. I plan on staying here for a long time.

This year I want to:

  • Help kids in my community
  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat healthy
  • Make small monthly goals

This month’s small goals:

  1. Restart this blog. [X]
  2. Go to trampoline fitness class ( Jan 9,16, 18, 23, 25, 30)
  3. Focus eating a healthy breakfast every day.
  4. Eye test. (I keep putting this off) I’m outta contacts and I’m not letting myself order any until I get this done.
  5. Start Pokerstars Spin and Go bankroll buildup

The last couple year’s I’ve barely played any poker. I kept saying I was going to start playing but it just kept becoming not as important as the other stuff in my life that was going on. This year I’m going to work towards being a good “rec” player with a goal of 1000 spin and goes a month. Starting with $119.83 US playing $3 spin and goes, let’s see how fast I can move up stakes.

Good luck to everyone in 2018. ❤


Goodbye March, hello April

Last months positives: 

My weight loss has been my priority goal this year and I’m really happy with my progress. Last month I lost 7lbs.  I did have one cheat meal and learned that it really wasn’t worth it. I actually felt a bit guilty eating it. I want to lose 3 more pounds before I invest in a trainer or classes to get me to the finish line.

Last months negatives: 

I wanted to start my poker bankroll challenge last month but had a lot on my plate. With friends and family visits on weekends and work it became low on my priority list. So I pushed it to start in April. The last thing I think any poker player should do is play sporadically. Unless you are a genius (which I’m not) or playing just for fun. When your goal while playing poker is to make money you need to put in volume. You need to train your mind and you won’t be able to do that with only an hour or two a week because someone at the table has played and studied 40. Maybe not at the level that I’m going to start at, but my goal is to move up the stakes quickly.

Mental wellness:

I talk a lot about this because I think it is important. I haven’t seen my therapist for two months and am really looking forward to seeing him in April. This week I could feel my emotions turning negative! I’m normally a super patient person and all of the sudden this irritation against everyone for no real reason. No one said anything about it, but I know I was short with people, I could feel it. I normally don’t experience these type of feelings and I definitely didn’t  like being annoyed at people, especially when it isn’t their fault. Luckily it only lasted a few days and I’m back to my kind self.
It is important to have someone that is non-judgemental that you can talk to. An outsider that has nothing invested in how you act or what you do. We often rely on the people closest to us for advice, the problem with that is that they are invested in your actions. Talking to someone outside your circle can really help give you clarity on your life.

April’s goals:

  • 0 Cheat Meals
  • Hire a trainer or CrossFit classes
  • Lose 7-10 pounds
  • Start my poker challenge/Post weekly V-blogs of it
  • Call my parents once a week just to chat

What are your goals for April?

I miss the poker world – My build-up to Vegas/weight loss challenge

So I’ve kept my head down, got my life together and dealt with some depression and anxiety issues and now I feel better than I ever have. Well almost better. Dealing with mental health issues like depression is draining. For me it meant, getting on the right medicine and cognitive-behavioral therapy and disappearing. Whenever I fall into depression I gain a lot of weight. Last year I gained a whopping 42lbs. Crazy I know. My first reaction was to hate myself for doing that to my body, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. I did what was best for my mind and at the time it came with some weight gain. It has given me a goal.

I started my weight loss journey January 1st and I’ve already lost 22 lbs. I’m doing a form of a keto diet + some additional restrictions. Now that I’m in a routine with 0 cheating. I’m adding in my next goal.

A bankroll challenge for myself. Well not really a bankroll challenge, more like a get my ass to Vegas this summer challenge. I’m going to start this with $100 US and play the hero games on partypoker.com .  Why those games? Because they are crazy soft. Throughout my challenge, I am going to be giving myself some tier goals to keep it fun. However, if I don’t lose the rest of the weight I gained (20lbs) by June then I won’t be going to Vegas and that would be a shame.

My first tier goal (I’m calling it the bottom of the barrel tier) is $885 US that would be 7 days/airfare and hotel staying in old Vegas.I’ll be starting this March 1st.

I’ll be starting this March 1st.

My bankroll guidelines will be:

I really just want to bring the reason that I started playing poker back into my life and that is because I loved the game.

I have a lot of other goals that I want to get done this year. I’m adding them in slowly to build up routines but I am pretty sure it is going to be a crazy productive year for me.

The cloud of depression.

If there was one thing in this world, I was afraid of, it was falling back into depression. That fear consumed me, the paranoia of everything that I would lose again. The career that you worked so hard on lost overnight. The people that you shutout vanished. Each time it happened you pulled yourself up and re-invented yourself. A new you, a new place, a new job, new friends, new hair but always something missing.

It took me a long time to understand what was missing. I was so consumed with the fear of losing everything again that it controlled me. What was the point in wanting when if you got it, it could be gone overnight? Then it happened, I fell back into a deep depression, but this story isn’t about that, it is about what happened next.

It was eye opening. I was able to feel excited.

The gray skies in my head started to clear the clouds parted and that cloud of depression changed into a rainbow of hope. Trust in friends and family, excitement for what is to come next, but most importantly, that I’m allowed to want, and that I deserve to want more.

Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day #BellLetsTalk get in the conversation.

For those of you that know someone that deals with depression. It is something that takes a lot of energy to get through, but it can also be a blessing. Surrounded by the right people and by getting the correct help, depression has helped me remove the things that were useless. I said goodbye clutter in my life, like the career I never really wanted or the people that drained me. What I’m left with is a bubble of people that are motivating, they make me a better person and that gives me the worth to want more.


Mixing tennis and poker

This guy is putting in some hard work and it is paying off.


Well, for few weeks I have been on the “tour” as they call it. This will probably be one of my last tennis trips as a professional tennis player. Feeling kinda sad, but at the same time pretty happy when I am seeing all the players practicing and giving everything they got just to make a living from tennis (which is one of the hardest job to make it, imo).. I just know at this moment I cant do that anymore when I know that the % of people who makes it are slim to none and the work you have to do to get there is HARD and when you just dont have the same passion as you had few years ago. So far I haven’t got any big success in these few tournaments, right now I am playing in Estonia. Got atleast 1 atp point in Estonia, and I will…

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