7 lbs to Vegas

That’s a pretty straight forward goal and completely doable. As I see people planning their Vegas vacations, I’m getting in gear. I’ve been on a roll health wise and now that it is sometimes only -3 here in Montreal I’m even more motivated to get in shape.

Also now that it is starting to warm up I’m getting out of the house more, in the daylight. Today I went to see Kingsman, there is something amazing about going to the movies in the middle of the day. We walked in and no one checks your tickets, no line up for the snack bar and no one kicking your seat because there is only 4 people in the theater. It is like they just opened the theater for me.

Sunday, I went to Cabane Panache et Bois Nord. If it is one thing they have right here in Montreal, it is the street festivals.

This year is the first year I’ve been away from my family for Christmas and Easter and to be honest, I’m a tad homesick, but I’m looking forward to seeing them this summer. I’ll be visiting some family and friends in Toronto the last week of May, then off to my favorite place.

Last year I had to skip Vegas for unforeseen circumstances, otherwise known as, I did my own laundry, emptying pockets is for suckers. This year I will be treating my passport like… a passport. Because of my lack of Vegas last year I’m going to have to make my trip count by staying a whole month!

I don’t think I’ve gone to Vegas once without doing something incredibly stupid, so here’s to Vegas!

Oh, how I failed, but succeeded at the same time.

I’ve never been the type of person that spent a long time looking in the mirror. In fact, I pretty much avoided it as much as I can.

In 2010 I was incredibly thin. Thin does not always equal healthy and I wasn’t healthy. My anxiety and depression had made me stop eating for days at a time and I was also constantly sick to my stomach. During this time period I was unable to look in the mirror, so I didn’t even know how thin I was.

When I final tabled the Ladies event in 2012, I remember watching an interview of myself and thinking, that isn’t me. They had to of stretched me. Not long after I was at a wedding and I saw another photo that I didn’t recognize myself in. I couldn’t believe how much weight I had gained. At this point I missed my old workout buddy Tina and my old trainer.

It happens to all of us… We wake up one morning and step on the scale. We look down and our stomach turns. We hit our peak weight. We talk to our closest friends and admit the hard truth, have never weighed this much in our lives. Not sure how it even happened.

I’ve lost over 20lbs since moving to Montreal, I’ve changed my lifestyle completely. My favorite food was Pizza, now it is crab stuffed zucchini.  I use to be able to do 2 dozen shots and be “Everyone Loves Drunk Lesley”. Now I have one drink and am “Everyone Loves a Cheaper Drunk Lesley.” It has taken me until 32 years of age to truly see myself when I look in the mirror, but I can now. It isn’t just about losing the weight I gained, it is way more than that. I’ve forgiven myself for failing.

A few months ago I had a slight breakdown. I had taken a test that was to pinpoint my strengths. My results were in a transition stage.  I have spent so much of my life trying to make the people around me happy that it was impossible for me to be. I had made that mistake before and I was doing it again and again. This test was a wake up call for me.  I still had it in my head that who I use to be, was who I needed to get back to being. That didn’t work for me the first time, so why was I putting so much pressure on myself to be her again?

So how are my posted goals for the year going… supernova with $100 bankroll—FAIL. I busted that $100, Be more social—Double FAIL, I’ve only gone out about 2 or 3 times this year. What I didn’t fail at were the important ones. I’ve been eating healthy, following a workout plan and working on my fears. I’m still working on PLO, and have a few coaching sessions to help put me back on the right track. As for going out more and being more social, I can’t really answer why I want that. It is just one of those things that I feel I am weird because I don’t want to. What I do want to do is spend time on my projects that I had put on hold, so that is what I’m going to do.

Finally, back to my true love. Poker… WPT is back in Montreal, April, so I’ll be hitting up Playground to play one or two side events. I’m also setting up my Vegas trip for June. And for the love of the poker gods, please let me not lose 39bbs per 100 in the next 20000 PLO hands.

Reach out #BellLetsTalk

I tried to stay off social media today. As much as I support the cause, it is a hard day for me. I still live in fear of falling back into depression and anxiety. Yet, I find myself having to post an hour before midnight.

I personally still have days where I lock myself in my room. They are few but they still happen. I still break down when I think about how my life changed, and I still get embarrassed about it. I know this is something I can’t control. I know that when this happens, I’m irrational, but it just might be a part of me for the rest of my life.

For the longest time I have felt and said “I’m not the person I was before I got sick.” I thought that was a bad thing. It isn’t! It is a great thing! It has lead me to change my life, and has opened my mind up on what matters to me. I now focus on things that I really love or can learn from.

I couldn’t have survived what I went through if I didn’t have the support of my friends and family. If I didn’t have the courage to go see a counselor or a doctor. If you know someone you think is depressed or that you know has anxiety attacks, reach out and listen to them. It may be an awkward conversation but at least it is a conversation. Don’t leave your friends, family or coworkers to battle this alone, help them to get the help that they need.

If you haven’t already please tweet about #BellLetsTalk and be part of the conversation.

Can I build a bankroll from $100 and make Supernova?

In my last blog I told you that my goal this year is to make Supernova.

For those that don’t know. That is about 18k in rake. Jan 1st I started this journey with $100 at the second smallest stake. 5PLO following the bankroll management that is posted on donkr PLO From Scratch

So, that makes me stuck at 5PLO until I have a bankroll of $350. I’m also going to include the bonuses I hit and any $ I win playing the VIP Freerolls in my bankroll.

This week went OK. It did start off strong but ended poorly. I didn’t review any hands this week. Next week I am scheduling in 1 hour a day to review my hands.

firstweek

I have a lot that I am working on right now and I am feel pretty motivated. I’m hoping this is going to be my best year yet!

The Last Checkmark

A few months ago I was going through a rough time and I made a list of activities to do before the year ended to keep me busy and always have something to look forward to. Today marks the day that I completed my to do list of random courses/classes and it was a sweet ending with a chocolate truffle making class.

outside

The class was great. The teacher was great. The class was in french so I was really only getting like every fifth word but I find something really comforting about being taught something from someone that has such a passion for what they do. I had no clue how many different things could be mixed with chocolate.