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Poker, life and everything else.

The Start of A Better Me

My emotions have evened out and I am getting back on track. In fact, I’m better than on track. I’m motivated. One of the things that I am told a lot is that I work harder for everyone else than I do for myself and without having someone that needs help I tend to get lost. I’m not talking about things I get paid to do. I’m talking about favors. What people don’t grasp is that people that help people, do it all the time and it is exhausting and not exclusive to their one request.

I remember every single time I’ve lost it on someone at work. One time I was at work and an account supervisor came into the studio with a request at 4:30 that they wanted done that night. After saying no, which is something I didn’t normally do, He went over my head to my boss who came out asked me to figure out a way to get it done. I was on salary, meaning I didn’t get paid past 5pm so what I was doing was basically a favor. When I passed off the work around 9pm to him, he said to me it is only one night. I was furious! I looked him straight in the eye and said “For you it is only one night. You only work for one client. I work with every client that passes through this agency. Don’t you think the same thing happened yesterday at 5 and will again tomorrow at 5 with a different account rep? Today was the day I took a stance and it didn’t work out for me.” That was also the day I knew I wanted to quit my first full time job. I wish I had, but I didn’t. The economy was really bad at the time, friends and family said I needed to find a new job before you quit. I never had time to look for a new job, I was too busy doing all these favors. Had I quit when my mind told me to, I would still have the drive I had at the time. My life goals would have been easier to achieve.

Instead, I waited until I needed to quit because I was broken and all my drive was gone.
My last job was also in Advertising. The only reason I quit that job was because I don’t have a passion for advertising and I didn’t want to live my life repeating the same mistakes over and over.

My goal is simple, I want to be the girl I was before I got sick. The girl that was extremely driven. I know she is with me, it is just a matter of time before I’m back hitting my full potential. Finding the me I want to be has been hard. I get small glimpses here and there and I have hope that soon I will be on top of my game.

I went to my first woman’s only kickboxing class today. What was amazing about this class and gym was the atmosphere. Everyone at the H2o MMA was working on their own personal goals yet the minute you entered you felt like you were on a team. I am going to be committing myself to going to this class twice a week for the next 3 months to help me towards my fitness goals. I will continue taking the trampoline fitness class once a week, just to mix things up a bit. This is a step in the right direction. Taking these classes will help me to be motivated and build confidence. Those two ingredients will make achieving my life goals easier.

I have also been working on my poker goals and I think they are going well, I will update on that soon.

Everything You Do Can Lead To Something New.

The other day I took my first trampoline fitness class at Rebound Fitness. I was a little early and walked into this big loft building looking extremely lost. As I stared at the building directory trying to figure out where I was suppose to be a man stopped and asked me if I what company I was looking for. When I told him he told me that he showed me where my class was and told me that he was the owner of H2O MMA and they have a kickboxing class that I might be interested in and should come for the free session.

I actually did take one class about a year ago, but the pace was way too fast and I was extremely intimidated as most of the class was filled with guys that use that class as a part of their routine. I told him I would still come and check it out after my class.

The trampoline class was amazing. If you have ever taken a Power class before that is what this was but with a mix of the trampoline for added cardio. I was pretty nasty sweaty by the end of the class and still committed myself to skipping the bus and taking that 30 minute walking home. On the way out of class I went down and peeked in the H2O MMA gym. This place looked amazing. I wrote down the website.

On my walk home it got dark really fast. I had to cross train tracks that I don’t even remember crossing on my way to the class. I walked up to the flashing red lights and waited for the train to finish crossing. It seemed like an hour, I started to feel a little nervous as it hit me that I probably shouldn’t have been walking home that late at night alone.

When I got home, I took a look at the website.

“Women’s Only Kickboxing Bootcamp workouts are the best around at H2O Gym Montreal. Whether you want to learn self-defense, lose weight, improve cardio & fitness, or just sculpt your body, this class will do it for you. This is a safe, friendly, non-competitive class, designed for beginners, where learning and supporting each others goals is always #1.”

Add another class to my schedule. I am sold! Not only am I sold I am really excited about this class.

Had I not signed up for that trampoline class, I would have never come across the kickboxing class. Who knows what that kickboxing class will lead me to. Worst case I wasted an hour on something I don’t like or I make new friends, lose some weight while learning how to protect myself. After that, my new kickboxing class could lead to something else… Maybe Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?

Most Roller Coasters Go Down Before They Even Out.

When you get on a roller coaster you put your hands up in the air and scream as the coaster drops down the steep hills at lightning speed. Logically, when you think about it, you stand in line, watch the roller coaster go by you 10 times before it is your turn. You don’t scream because you are scared, you know what is going to happen, you scream because that is considered a normal reaction and you are told that you should feel scared because everyone in front of you felt that way.

The last few weeks I felt numb, alone and misunderstood. The hardest part about feeling this way is seeing and talking to people. I know that people can’t tell how I feel by looking at me. The truth is my eyes give it away, the shade of blue is more prominent, the glaze from covering up feelings. I receive the most compliments on my eyes when I am actually at my worst. I once recall guy working at Starbucks almost dropping my coffee while telling me how beautiful my eyes were. I don’t even like coffee nor normally drink it. I just ordered it because that is what everyone else does and I needed something to make me feel normal.

This isn’t the worst I’ve felt, but I do remember the last time I felt this way.  It was during my first trip to Vegas. During that roller coaster I ended up spending 1k on face products. Sure the ingredients did included gold. I don’t normally use most of those products, but I’m told I should be that it is normal for women my age to spend money on face products that help keep me looking young.

I felt horrible the last few weeks, but still tried to keep some kind of routine. I have been getting to bed by 2 am where normally I am up until 3 or 4 am. I’ve gone for my walks and done my workout routine. I went to the movies and over to friends’ houses. Really just tried to continue doing the things that are said to help make me feel normal. Then finally it happened. Last night I spent hours searching the web for things to keep me busy. When I was on antidepressants, I would wake up with a high feeling. It felt like my brain waves were trying to get back in order.  Today I woke up with that same feeling so I’m hoping this roller coaster ride is coming to an end, instead of taking another lap. The first thing I did was register for a lot of the things I looked up last night. Why? Because when I was a child that was what was normal to me, an activity just about every night that help me develop into the individual I am today.  Why as adults do we stop developing and just follow routine?

What is on the list this month of things I’m doing to keep myself busy and work on staying fit

Toning Trampoline Class at Rebound Fitness

Then indulge by taking a class where you will learn to make the most amazing truffles that you will lose all want to eat any other chocolate. 

Chocolate Truffle Making at Saveurs Cao

Once a week isn’t enough to keep your heart rate going. I use to do this once a week as part of my workout routine back in 2010. This is actually one of the most fulfilling and hardest workouts anyone can do. 

Pole Fit at Alternative Fitness

I just want to be able to make a cake that I don’t frost it with a butter knife. 

Cake Decorating at Micheals

This blog wouldn’t be fitting if I didn’t plan to include a trip to La Ronde

And I am still working on learning PLO. More studying than playing while my mind is trying to level out. 

I know I am going to get a few friends messaging me asking me why I didn’t call or reach out. When you can’t explain why you feel the way you do and when you know you are better off than majority of people in the world.  You live the life you wanted. What is there to ask for help about? 

This Seems Doable.

Since August 28th I’ve put in just over 2.5k hands and it has been going alright. I have about 16 leaks to work on this week via LeakBuster. Mostly turn play and aggression. It is a fairly small sample size but after going over the specific hands that it pulled out for me I can be pretty spewy.

ResultsAug28-now

What do cheeseburgers, shots and poker have in common?

I’m not going to lie, I come up with my best ideas at the bar. Normally they revolve around getting Burrito Boyz, Poutine or that we could make jello shots in a hotel room using the coffee maker. This time while at the PokerStars party I was talking to Lee Jones. I’m not sure what he heard on his side of the conversation, but on my side… It went like this.

Me: Stuff stuff twitter drunk stuff.
Lee: Blah blah blah actual sober words.
Me: If I make supernova elite next year, will you make me pro?
Lee: No. I can’t make promises like that. Blah blah blah.

Good thing he said no because I most likely would have killed myself trying to achieve that. So where does the bright idea begin? It starts now with a single cheeseburger.

McDonalds_Cheeseburger

Over the next three months I’m going to learn how to play PLO, one cheeseburger at a time. Almost every person I’ve ever talked to about poker has said the same thing to me. I don’t put in enough volume in and I don’t put all my focus into one game. So lets do that in one of the highest variance games in poker. Three months to learn how to play and how to win. WHEN this works out I am going to trade in my chrome star for supernova by moving up the PLO stakes as fast as I can come January.

I’ve already spent a few days setting up my tables, my xBox controller, my HUD and now I’m ready to officially start today August 28th. I want to play 3 hours a day with one day off a week and 2 hours of studying and reviewing. I will be using the 50+10 buyin rule for moving up stakes. Let’s do this!

Don’t let this post fool you. I’m still on my get in shape kick and sadly cheeseburgers are not on the menu. I am going to continue with getting back and staying in shape for the rest of my life.

Social anxiety and social media contests

The last few weeks a lot of people haven’t heard much from me. Mostly because I qualified for a chance of a lifetime. The chance to be Andre Akkari’s Protege. If I am picked as his protege I would win private training from him, tickets into 3 wcoop events including the main event. Plus, the protege that makes the most money playing those tickets will win a PCA package.

Step 1 – Come in the top two of his qualifier MTTs

Step 2 – Create a video as to why he should pick you.

Now, this is way out of my comfort zone. Over the last two weeks I have debated not doing the video. Mostly because my anxiety. As silly as it sounds. I don’t really like people seeing me, rather the thought of being judged, I guess. So why did I torture myself to finish the video and upload it. Simple, the opportunity is too good to not try and my fear is illogical.

It isn’t winning or losing because I’ve already won.

I’ve already conquered one of my biggest fears. Will I be doing video blogs anytime soon. Hell no, but just a few months ago someone asked me to do a video endorsement for them and I had to say no. The thought of being seen made me feel sick. Only time will tell how I feel once people actually watch the video.

Another win was because I was working on this video I learned a new program, after effects. I could have paid someone about $15 an hour to help me using a freelancer site, it would have looked much better but I wouldn’t have done it myself.

The rest is up to André and Pokerstars if I make it to the next step.

Here is the sneak preview.

Finding Me

I haven’t blogged in a long time. On the positive side, I have been extremely busy. Let’s do a quick recap of my summer so far.

Mid June, I went to visit Toronto before heading off to Vegas to meet up with some people from Pocketfives and Pokerspace. As well as playing that game that I did well in that one time. The day before my flight I did some laundry…. The most expensive wash in my whole life. Inside a pair of pants were mine and Chris’ passport. Whoops. Can’t make every girl into a housewife. I took the passports into the passport office in Scarborough hoping that they can renew them for me… No, that would have been way too easy and obviously not a big enough lesson for me. Adding salt to the wound after being told that they could not replace them and that I would not be able to use them to travel with the security guard at the door says “don’t feel bad I once watched my iPod”…. Cool Story Brah, tell it again.

Fast forward… Three weeks in Toronto. I got to do a lot of visiting with my family and friends. I also stopped by my previous jobs in Toronto for visits and a great weekend in London. The problem was I missed Montreal. I missed my new home.

So here I am back in Montreal completely motivated and ready to start being productive. More blogging, watching more poker videos, more playing and now that my back does not hurt it is time to get back into shape.

Here is what I would include in my average daily routine to get started:

4 hours of playing 18 mans

1 hour of working out a day (30 mins strength/30 mins cardio)

3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks

So That Didn’t Happen

My goal last month was to play 1k sngs. Didn’t happen. I had little time to play with moving and my back has been hurting a lot again. I really hope we can figure out what is wrong with me before I lose my mind…again 🙂

I am getting ready for Vegas. That basically means I am unpacking to pack again. I look forward to seeing everyone and hopefully come back with more money than I went down with.

After Vegas I am going to be spending some time in Toronto. I have a lot of people to visit so I am happy to be spending about two weeks at home sweet home in Scarborough.

1000 SNGs in May

I hurt my back so I haven’t been able to play much. That is driving me crazy. To get back into the swing of things I am going to play 1000 18-man sngs in May.

I’m also going to play a game or two at Playground during the Pokerstar’s Canada Cup. I love playing live so looking forward to it.

I found an apartment today. I’m kinda stressing over if they will rent to me. It seems to worry people that I don’t have a full time job. If I am not worried, I don’t get why others have a problem with me living for me. That and..

no dogs